=(

My heart could bear it no longer... The love i have for him now turns to hatred..

In the quite of night, teach me to listen to my own silence,
the unaccepted parts of myself, to the silence around me,
the silence of those in pain,
the silence of children playing in the rain,
the silence of the people in the street,
the silence of oppressed people who dare not to speak.


Twilight time; time between two worlds.
The frenzied world quietens, light recedes,
darkness deepends, the unhurried pace of the new world takes over.

A feeling that still holding on..

I know all of this, and yet i still long to be somewhere else. Somewhere i can be me again. But it seems like its impossible right now. Boredom ruled over me, the silence makes me want to scream and yet i cannot do it. For so long, I wanted to have stillness in this place, at this moment, but somehow I feel rather sad. I cannot think of anything else but the life I have been leading on...

Life is discontent and the future doesnt seem to be bright enough to hold his hand and pull me through this horrible cloud. Love is so heartbreaking and at the same time the most wonderful feeling life has to offer. I havent seen or felt it to its fullest but even the shred of it that has touched me has been amazing. And eventhough from time to time we go out of tune, the melody is clear and even the trickle of happiness that fills me is nearly enough eventhough i know i should be doing something else. I wanted to hold on to it, so bad that I still cried myself to sleep. I wanted to be strong, to be able to show everyone that I am okay.. But you see, I dont think I am that person anymore, pretending to be okay eventhough it is not. They never understand your feelings. Sometimes they do pretend that they do understand it. But at the end they are just puzzled as yourself. Where there is the point where you cannot explain it to them what it is like and how life suddenly slap you in the face and drops you down so that your perspective on everything is greyer than ever...

They dont recognize it, no one does, even yourself, that you are already falling apart....